Motherhood is associated with all the things ecstatic that are supposed to make you feel blessed. But no one talks about the darker side of being a good mother. Yes! Believe me. There is this dark dimension to being a mother which every mother suffers through all alone, coz talking about it without the fear of being judged is almost impossible.
This dark reality of motherhood that I talk about is beyond the pain of breast feeding, poop cleaning and sleepless night watching the child. These are things that have a lasting impact your psychologically and normal becomes a thing of past for you as a mother. Come take this dark journey with me –
1) The child brings a lease of fresh air to a couple’s relationship! MythBuster….
It is a general notion that a couple after becoming parents get closer. That the child acts as a cementing factor in their relationship. But no tells you that the cementing is just because there’s a hell lot of responsibility once you become parents. You just cannot manage the child all alone, you NEED each other for support so that you can keep your sanity intact. If you ask the couples about how their personal relationship has developed after the baby, most of them will start cribbing about no ‘we’ time, no carefree outings, no chatting and cuddling in the bed until the baby is weaned out of the bed etc. It is always and only about the baby.
2) The post partum shift …
Till such time when the baby is in the womb, the mother i.e. you are the priority. Everything revolves around your comfort. But as soon as the baby is out (of your womb) all the frenzy and limelight is drawn by the baby. Oh please don’t think that I am some attention hogging female who just became jealous of my child for snatching the limelight away from me. But the radicl shift in everybody’s attention just can’t escape your psyche. You suddenly start feeling like just a carrier or a medium towards the ultimate object of everyone’s affection i.e. your baby. Things get worse when your parents, in-laws and sometimes even your spouse begin to view you as a caretaking machine of the baby and nothing beyond.
3) The continual Balancing Act….
This is specifically for the mothers who decide to continue working even after having a baby. There are cases where working is not a choice. To make the ends meet comfortably, couples decide to remain working parents. But the ambitious “wicked” mothers who want to really, I mean really pursue a career even post motherhood, are the impious sufferers. In a constant balancing act trying to justify both the roles, these female wonders live in guilt and pay a price for loving two things at a time. This they compensate by giving up any other form of ‘me’ time and remain in a never ending cycle of managing the two exclusive yet ever overlapping worlds. I remember a mother of a 4 year old telling me that for 6 years before she became a mother she had a career, but now for last 4 years she just has a job. True Story … I guess.
4) I belong to the Motherland….
All mothers, mind you all mothers start suffering from this acute OCD where their world revolves around nothing but their little bundle of joy. Even the ones who manage to compartmentalise their lives into the realms of motherhood and professionalism, are constantly drawn towards discussion revolving around their child. What he did yesterday, what he said today, how you fed him the new recipe are the things that mothers (even at offices) find comfort in talking about. Even the social media updates and the display pictures (DPs) invariably comprise the latest pictures of the cute little munchkins.
5) Doomed by Judgement…
How much ever you decide to not be affected by others opinion of how to raise a child, you are constantly under the radar on how you are doing at taking care of your child. Especially if you are living with parents or in a joint family, you are privy to the constant do’s and don’ts as a mother. For some this flow of advices may be a welcome support, for others it may just be interference, which followed by individual verdicts on everything adds further to your agony. And let me add, this is just not one sided. You as a mother will get smitten by this bug very soon. “Oh you do it this way ? But I did it that way and I think that was much better” At some point of time or the other you will find yourself judging other mothers. You may not be expressive about it always, but your little mind with its insecurity crevices will get you to embark on this comparison journey. So Beware !!!
Hey Mothers! Don’t get scared. These are just some side effects to be cautious about while you enjoy your journey as a mother. Happy Parenting!