Category Archives: Moherhood

5 Things that no one ever told you about Motherhood

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Motherhood is associated with all the things ecstatic that are supposed to make you feel blessed. But no one talks about the darker side of being a good mother. Yes! Believe me. There is this dark dimension to being a mother which every mother suffers through all alone, coz talking about it without the fear of being judged is almost impossible.
This dark reality of motherhood that I talk about is beyond the pain of breast feeding, poop cleaning and sleepless night watching the child. These are things that have a lasting impact your psychologically and normal becomes a thing of past for you as a mother. Come take this dark journey with me –

1) The child brings a lease of fresh air to a couple’s relationship! MythBuster….
It is a general notion that a couple after becoming parents get closer. That the child acts as a cementing factor in their relationship. But no tells you that the cementing is just because there’s a hell lot of responsibility once you become parents. You just cannot manage the child all alone, you NEED each other for support so that you can keep your sanity intact. If you ask the couples about how their personal relationship has developed after the baby, most of them will start cribbing about no ‘we’ time, no carefree outings, no chatting and cuddling in the bed until the baby is weaned out of the bed etc. It is always and only about the baby.

2) The post partum shift …
Till such time when the baby is in the womb, the mother i.e. you are the priority. Everything revolves around your comfort. But as soon as the baby is out (of your womb) all the frenzy and limelight is drawn by the baby. Oh please don’t think that I am some attention hogging female who just became jealous of my child for snatching the limelight away from me. But the radicl shift in everybody’s attention just can’t escape your psyche. You suddenly start feeling like just a carrier or a medium towards the ultimate object of everyone’s affection i.e. your baby. Things get worse when your parents, in-laws and sometimes even your spouse begin to view you as a caretaking machine of the baby and nothing beyond.

3) The continual Balancing Act….
This is specifically for the mothers who decide to continue working even after having a baby. There are cases where working is not a choice. To make the ends meet comfortably, couples decide to remain working parents. But the ambitious “wicked” mothers who want to really, I mean really pursue a career even post motherhood, are the impious sufferers. In a constant balancing act trying to justify both the roles, these female wonders live in guilt and pay a price for loving two things at a time. This they compensate by giving up any other form of ‘me’ time and remain in a never ending cycle of managing the two exclusive yet ever overlapping worlds. I remember a mother of a 4 year old telling me that for 6 years before she became a mother she had a career, but now for last 4 years she just has a job. True Story … I guess.

4) I belong to the Motherland….
All mothers, mind you all mothers start suffering from this acute OCD where their world revolves around nothing but their little bundle of joy. Even the ones who manage to compartmentalise their lives into the realms of motherhood and professionalism, are constantly drawn towards discussion revolving around their child. What he did yesterday, what he said today, how you fed him the new recipe are the things that mothers (even at offices) find comfort in talking about. Even the social media updates and the display pictures (DPs) invariably comprise the latest pictures of the cute little munchkins.

5) Doomed by Judgement…
How much ever you decide to not be affected by others opinion of how to raise a child, you are constantly under the radar on how you are doing at taking care of your child. Especially if you are living with parents or in a joint family, you are privy to the constant do’s and don’ts as a mother. For some this flow of advices may be a welcome support, for others it may just be interference, which followed by individual verdicts on everything adds further to your agony. And let me add, this is just not one sided. You as a mother will get smitten by this bug very soon. “Oh you do it this way ? But I did it that way and I think that was much better” At some point of time or the other you will find yourself judging other mothers. You may not be expressive about it always, but your little mind with its insecurity crevices will get you to embark on this comparison journey. So Beware !!!

Hey Mothers! Don’t get scared. These are just some side effects to be cautious about while you enjoy your journey as a mother. Happy Parenting!

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Humor Bites #2 – Of Houses and Inheritence

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This happened on one of those rare nights when I had this humongous task of putting Nick to bed all on my own and alone. Reason? We were at my parents place where Ajay was to join us a weekend later.

So the first day post our arrival went through quite eventfully, as we were up on a mission to shop for my lil sis’s wedding. It had been a tiring day and I realised that Nick had felt ignored to some extent. I say this because during our spree he intermittently kept throwing the ‘I want to go home’ tantrum.

Once back home, he realised that he had not come back to his own home; he was rather back in his Nanu’s home. So am sure some idea had picked his mind cause at night when I was trying to calm him to sleep, he asked me a very innocent question. The conversation was as follows. To keep the humor or lack of it intact, i am reiterating the conversation in hindi.

Nick – Mamma? yeh kya humara ghar hai? (Is this our house?)
Me – Haan Beta, yeh humara ghar hai. (Yes dear, it is.)
Nick – Par yeh toh Nanu ka ghar hai? (This is Nanu’s house , isn’t it?)
Me – (in a sleepy and desparate attempt to put an end to his curiosity and questions) Haan beta Nanu ka ghar bhi humara ghar hai aur Dadaji ka ghar bhi humara ghar hai. (Yes dear Nanu’s house is also our house and Dadu’s house is also our house.)
Nick – Yeh toh Bahut achchi baat hai. Dono ghar humare ghar hain(It seems to be a good idead that both the houses our indeed ours.)

I don’t know what he comprehended and how much he understood the concept of numbers but coming from a not yet 3 year old, the reply rendered me awestruck and speechless.

Humor Bites #3 Applying Reverse Psychology

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Let me tell you guys that managing a home, a job (though partial productivity) and a super-energetic toddler can get to your nerves, especially when you are into the 24th week of your pregnancy.

My tummy is suddenly bulging out into an obvious baby bump, displacing my center of gravity . I feel like hogging all day yet there is no relief to the reflux in my digestive system, which I keep in control with the help of prescribed antacids. More than my husbands long working day, it is Nick’s long playing hours that keep me awake until late into the night.

Anyway, so yesterday after a long and busy day we retired to our bed at around 11.30 p.m. Just to mention here for a clearer perspective, I and my husband, we co-sleep with Nick. This helps us spend some more quality moments with him, as we are both working and seldom get time together. And we are both trying to make up for the day when when our new little one will arrive and we will have to send him off to a different bed-room.

Coming back to the story, so I had been finally able to convince Nick that it really was time to lie down and wait for sleep to engulf us, so that we could start a new day tomorrow etc. etc. As I was feeling extremely drained both physically and emotionally, I let out a sigh and spoke out loud, “I want to go to my Mamma”

At this Nick reacted, “Why? Why do you want to go to your Mamma?”
Me: (sensing an enjoyable conversation ahead) Why? Why can’t I go to my Mamma’s place? I want to go to my Mamma’s place. That’s it.
Nick: (a little more perplexed now, slid besides me and put his hand around my shoulder) Noooo! Don’t go to your Mamma’s place. You stay here, in my house.

I raised and cocked my head towards my husband, to check if he was listening to our conversation. Ajay raised his hand with a sly smile in acknowledgment. I went back to face my little devil.

Me: Why should I stay here with you? You don’t sleep yourself and don’t let me sleep too. You don’t listen to what I tell you about not hitting your little cousin. I want to go to my Mamma’s place becasue she listens to me and I listen to her.

Nick after listening to this took a moment to contemplate. I thought, he would now come up with an elaborate apology saying that he will be a good boy now on and not trouble me. That he would promise to be an obedient boy and I should not leave him to go anywhere. Instead what he spoke after exactly 15 seconds baffled my to the core.

Nick: Ok go then! Go! Go! Let me see how you will go to Grandma’s place this late in the night. Grandma’s place is in Chandigarh (so now he understands the concept of distance) Go if you wish to. And go alone, Papa or me will not come with you.

The point to be noted here is that he was not rude or angry when said this. He was cool headed and confident, with a knowing and challenging tone. I must confess this hurt my ego for a second, as to how do I respond his challenge now, but made me sarcastically proud a moment later, that my little devil now understands the usage and application counter logic and reverse psychology.

Hail the kid brain !

Welcome to MommyTincture

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Welcome to MommyTincture

Almost into the new year, as I close-in on my decision to leave my job, to be able to take care of my two kids (one already there and the other in my tummy) I am a mixed bag of emotions. I am amazed how the second pregnancy despite being distinct from the first one is no different in terms of the deluge of thoughts it is causing in my mind.

mommy belly

It is one thing that this second pregnancy did not come planned and kept me in a panicked state of mind throughout my first trimester. Now that the idea of having a second child has sunk in and I am done away with my morning sickness phase, I feel more settled and confident. And with the acceptance has come along a critical decision that had to be made. The decision of giving up a full-time office job and become a stay at home mother.

To be very frank, this decision tore my soul into pieces. For the last 2 years, I struggled a lot to in order to become a dedicated mother as well as keep my job. Ofcourse it was possible only because I had a super supportive family. My mother-in-law and my husband were the my two pillars who kept me walking through all days – good or bad. And though having to leave this life comes as a relief to me, it also means putting an end to a life of professional competence and performance.
Nevertheless, the optimist within me tells me that I am set for a new kind of roller-coaster ride and with every passing day my resolution to make my life worth it all is strengthening. So here I am sharing my worst fears, my best experiences and my aspirations with the world.
Welcome to my little world! Happy reading!